Self Inroduction

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Dear Professor Blackstone,

My name is Muhammad Fadzly Bin Sapari. The purpose of this email is to introduce myself. I am a fresh graduate from diploma of Automation Mechatronic Systems specialized in Marine at Ngee Ann Polytechnic from the year 2014 to 2017. Currently, I am pursuing degree in Mechanical Engineering at Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT). I decided to pursue a degree in engineering because it was a dream of mine to be a professional engineer. Besides, I am comfortable and confident during practical classes. Since young, I love to assemble things and create a prototype based on my own creativity.

During my diploma years, I was attached to Port of Singapore Authority (PSA) where I get to explore the world of engineering and given the opportunity to learn and discover new learning every day. Therefore, I decided to further pursue engineering in degree.

Regarding a communication weakness, I was often inspired to be an engineer just like my uncle, a marine engineer. His work allows him to travel and to meet new engineers and exchanging information.

Nevertheless, with my curiosity and proactive attitude, I can manage my stress well and work under pressure. Besides, I am an introvert person which makes people around me think that I am a quiet person. However, I was able to contribute to the successful working atmosphere with my introverted personality because I learn to value people and think carefully before I talk, which in turn makes me a more responsible and trustworthy one.

Finally, my goal for this module is to further improve my communication skills. This will be a great opportunity for me as this will allow me to be engaged with other engineers and be confident during public speaking and presentation.

Yours sincerely,

Muhammad Fadzly Bin Sapari

Updated on 3 April 2020

Comments

  1. Brad Blackstone23 January 2020 at 18:19

    Dear Fadzly,

    Thank you for this letter. It's concise and generally clear. You cover some of the key points of the assignment. I appreciate, for example, learning that you see your uncle as a model in the way of a prospective career. However, your writing would be even clearer when you shift from one topic to another if you used transitional phrases such as 'In terms of my communication strengths, I am able...' and 'Regarding a communication weakness, I often...' These phrase would allow you to explicitly discuss your communication.

    In terms of your goals, there is also a lack of clarity. When you write that 'my goal for this module is to learn ways to have effective communication skills,' we readers may feel that there is a lack of specific skills under your consideration.

    Regarding language use, there are a few areas that you need to think about:

    1. capitalization inconsistency
    -- I am pursuing degree in Mechanical Engineering BUT ALSO a degree in engineering > (why?)
    -- ALSO INCONSISTENT: a fresh graduate from diploma of Automation Mechatronic Systems specialized in Marine > (from?)
    -- to PSA > You need to spell out the full term first.

    2. words/phrasing
    -- His work allows him to travel, allowing him to meet new engineers and exchanging knowledge.
    > (use of vocabulary and sentence structure)
    His work allows him to travel and to meet new engineers and exchange information.
    -- Nevertheless, with my curiosity and proactive attitude, I can manage.... >
    (wrong transition word)
    -- Besides, I am an introvert person ... > (wrong transition word)
    -- my introvert personality, > my introvertED personality,
    -- I was able to provide a good working environment > huh? You provided a working environment? That sounds strange. Maybe you contributed to the environment, but unless you owned the company, you didn't 'provide' it.
    -- I was able to provide a good working environment because I learn to respect people and think wisely before I speak which indeed turns me into someone more responsible and reliable. > (verb tense) ?

    3. punctuation inconsistency
    -- Dear Professor Blackstone, BUT Yours sincerely > ?

    The good news is thta you can revise this letter. I look forward to reading more of your writing.

    Cheers,

    Brad

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fadzly's Blog29 January 2020 at 07:44

      Dear Professor Blackstone,

      Thank you for taking the time off to read my letter of introduction and pointing out the my mistakes. I appreciate the feedback given and I shall work on improving myself.

      Best regards,

      Fadzly

      Delete
    2. Brad Blackstone31 January 2020 at 22:48

      Thanks for your response, Fadzly.

      Delete
    3. Fadzly's Blog2 February 2020 at 03:58

      You are welcome Prof. Have a great day. See you in class.

      Delete
  2. rui shen26 January 2020 at 22:54

    Hi Fadzly,

    Below are some pointers I have after reading your introduction letter.

    1) You can further elaborate on the skills you want to take away from this module

    2) You can use more transitional phrases to link your points together

    I hope my pointers will be helpful to you and I look forward to seeing you in class.

    Best regards,
    Rui Shen

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fadzly's Blog29 January 2020 at 07:47

      Dear Rui Shen,

      Thank you for taking the time to read my letter of introduction and pointing out the my mistakes. Will keep your feedback in mind.

      Cheers,

      Fadzly

      Delete
  3. mikaiel129 January 2020 at 07:10

    Dear Fadzly

    I have read your introduction letter, and I am glad that you are chasing your dream, doing what you love. If I could make a suggestion, perhaps you could plan your ideas and group similar points into concise paragraphs.

    I look forward to working with you in class, and may we all help one another improve!

    Regards,

    Mikaiel

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fadzly's Blog29 January 2020 at 07:55

      Dear Mikaiel,

      Thank you for pointing out the my mistakes. I really appreciate the constructive feedback you gave.

      Cheers,

      Fadzly

      Delete
  4. Engineering29 January 2020 at 16:06

    Dear fadzly,
    l enjoyed reading your writing.
    here are some pointers I have for the improvement for your letter.

    1)the paragraph where you said that you are inspired with your uncle can be merged with the lines that says" I decided to pursue a degree in engineering because it was a dream of mine to be a professional engineer.I am comfortable and confident during practical classes. Since young, I love to assemble things and create a prototype based on my own creativity." to form a paragraph that says about your interest engineering by removing it from its previous position.

    2)the line"During my diploma years, I was attached to PSA where I get to explore the world of engineering and given the opportunity to learn and discover new learning every day. Therefore, I decided to further pursue engineering in degree." can be placed in the first paragraph as the paragraph explains your educational profile.

    I hope this helps in the overall organisation of the content.

    cheers,
    Saif

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fadzly's Blog29 January 2020 at 17:10

      Dear Saif,

      Thank you for taking the time to read my letter of introduction. I really appreciate the constructive feedback you gave.

      Cheers,

      Fadzly

      Delete

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